Imagine this, you’re a child. You don’t know black from white, good from bad, you don’t even know that overalls aren’t a good look when paired with rain boots (a concept I still fail to grasp). You go to Disney, the world is bliss and you can’t see any trouble in tomorrow. You beg for the Cinderella dress and matching wig so you can be a princess, too. Everything is a complete fantasy – and you’re living in it. For all you know, you live in that huge castle, your prince is going to ask for your hand at any moment, and you’re going to live a life of luxury.
The land of adulthood comes out of nowhere only to remind you that life isn’t always sparkles and fancy dresses – it’s fighting the urge to sleep in an extra hour, it’s paying rent on time, it’s working a job that you don’t hate, but it’s certainly not what you want to be doing with your weekends. That’s what reality is, and I often find myself creating my own reality within it, maybe it’s just my optimism looking for a way for me to not scream into my pillow when it’s 8AM and my final essay is due in a few hours and I’ve been shotgunning vanilla Cokes at an unhealthy rate for the last eight hours.
You don’t realize how hard life can be until you’re on your own, my grandparents always told me I’d miss being a kid when I was an adult, I didn’t believe them. I always wanted what the older girls had, the belly button rings, the colored hair, the cool clothes, the whole nine yards. Truthfully, I’d give every bit of that back if I could live in child-like ignorance for just a day.
I really don’t think I got an actual childhood, at least not the kind everyone thinks of. I got bits and pieces, but reality came to light for me at a very young age. Part of me is thankful for that, but another part of me craves the ability to redeem the years in my life that weren’t meant for tears, stress, or sadness. That probably explains a lot about my personality and mannerisms, but we are a product of where we come from. That doesn’t mean we can’t change things about ourselves, but there’s always that piece of the past that lingers and influences us at our core.
Adulthood is a journey to say the least, and I’m definitely still on that path, some days it feels like a blender to the face, but other days it feels like I’m going where I need to be. I embrace the positive days, and struggle through the negatives. Anyone else going through this journey should know that progression isn’t always going to be linear, it shifts. It’s okay to have a bad day, it’s not a bad life.
Always & Forever,
What I’m listening to: Circles by Dempsey